6/28/26 “Marriage Counseling”
“Marriage Counseling”
1 Corinthians 7:1-40
Home renovations...
They can be the best of times...or the worst of times....
....Or both at the same time.
(Has anyone recently gone through a home renovation, or a remodel?)
Yeah, it's not for the faint of heart, is it.
Some of the challenges involve things like:....contactors & timelines & permits & waste disposal....
Maybe you’re a Do-It-Yourself type of person and you’ve taken on an entire renovation yourself...that can be its own challenge....
...Not only the construction portion, but on a relationship as well..
...I’ve heard of a few DIY renovations that have resulted in the need for marital counseling....
So – married couples - if you’re thinking about doing that big house project on your own....
...maybe it would be best if one of you went on a 3-month vacation somewhere far, far away.
Currently, Lisa and I are renovating my Mom’s old house....and - praise God – neither one of us has needed to hop a plane to Antarctica....yet!
But we’re also not attempting to do all the upgrades on our own.
Lisa will be the first to tell you that her husband’s skill set is very limited when it comes to home renovations.
So....we’ve hired out professionals to do the electrical...and the flooring....
And, for the past week, our good friend Joey – with help from my uncle Ray - has been installing new windows in the house...
Joey’s fantastic....
(Some of you fellas know Joey from Men’s Basecamp)
Not only is he a great all-around carpenter...but he teaches as he goes.
Last Thursday, I was helping to install a couple of windows at the house...
...and whenever Joey came upon something unexpected...or when a new challenge would present itself...
He not only had the know-how to navigate the situation....but he also explained what needed to be done in each circumstance.
In some cases, there were a couple of options in dealing with an issue...
Other times, there was only one possible route for moving forward with the window installation...
This made me think of today’s passage of scripture...
1 Corinthians chapter 7 is primarily a chapter dealing with issues surrounding the topic of marriage....
Issues that people in the Corinthian church had honest questions about.
The apostle Paul – like a master spiritual carpenter – not only answers their questions....
...but he also instructs the Corinthian believers on each of these issues living under the roof of marriage....
...issues such as:....husband’s and wives' responsibilities within marriage.... divorce...remarriage....being single...being widowed...being unequally yoked...
Basically...any question or issue having to do with one’s marital status – and God’s Will for that individual....
All of these are discussed here in chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians.
So....let’s get to the first project of this marital renovation....the project of responsibilities within a marriage....
Specifically...physical responsibilities.
After clarifying in verses 1 & 2 that to be single – or to be married - are both acceptable in God’s eyes....
We see in verses 3 through 7 lessons for married couples on the issue of being physically available to one another....
Apparently, Paul had been asked by certain people within the Corinthian Church about the issue of to what degree physical intimacy was to be a priority within a marriage...
The answer comes in verse 4 (1 Corinthians 7:4) where it reads “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.”
Paul goes on to say in verse 5 that maintaining a rhythm of regular physical intimacy is beneficial for both husband and wife....
....Doing this gives Satan less of an opportunity to successfully tempt one - or both - partners to commit sexual immorality of some kind....
We read in verse 5 that mutually agreed upon times of celibacy within a marriage for spiritual purposes are permissible....and can even be beneficial.
....but that these seasons of abstinence should be relatively brief as not to give the Devil a foothold in the life of either the husband or the wife...
One reason why Paul may have begun addressing this particular “Project” within the marital renovation project of chapter 7 is most likely due to a line of thinking within some Christian circles that the act of sex itself – even between husband and wife – was somehow unspiritual.
It was called asceticism....
....ascetics believed that celibacy within the marital union of a husband and a wife represented a higher form of spirituality....
...That somehow a plutonic marriage was superior to all others in terms of obedience & sanctification...
This seemed to make sense to the ascetics....but...unfortunately, it isn’t biblical.
Numerous passages of scripture bring out the importance of physical intimacy within a marriage...
Genesis 1:28 tells us to “Be fruitful and multiply”....
Proverbs 5:18-19 Reminds us – in no uncertain terms – that physical intimacy within a marriage is not only a blessing from God...but beneficial on an emotional and relational level...
...Then we have the entire book of “Song of Solomon”!....the book that makes us blush when we read it....
So....Paul’s point here in these verses is that - for the married couple - intimacy in general is important to a healthy marriage....with the physical act of intimacy being a vital component.
Next – in verses 8 & 9, Paul briefly discusses how being single can be a blessing for those who have been given that particular gift....
...God has granted some people with an ability to find true joy and contentment in remaining unmarried...
Later in this chapter, Paul reminds the unmarried that – because they do not have the extra burden and responsibility of caring for a marital partner – they have a unique opportunity to serve the Lord in an enhanced way....
Do you remember the widow Anna from the gospel of Luke?
According to scripture, Anna was widowed at a relatively young age and – rather than getting remarried – she apparently chose to remain single....
...and that decision afforded her a unique opportunity to devote much of her life to serving God in a completely undistracted way...
And eventually having her prophetic testimony concerning the Christ child recorded for centuries of Christians – including us today - to be inspired by.
So....if you are single....and you are content in that state of being unyoked to someone in marriage....
God has given you a unique gift....
A gift the vast majority of us do not have...
What an opportunity to use your singleness for the advancement of the gospel message...and for God’s kingdom.
In verses 10 & 11, we turn to the challenging spiritual project of Divorce.
Because divorce is so rampant in many of our families – even amongst professed Christians – that we are sometimes tempted to reinterpret the commands in scripture regarding this heartbreaking topic.
Here in the book of 1 Corinthians, Paul’s words are clear, concise, and to the point.
In verse 10 (1 Corinthians 7:10) we read that “A wife must not separate from her husband”....
...and in verse 11 (1 Corinthians 7:11) that “A husband must not divorce his wife.”
When it comes to marriage, this will always be the ultimate will of God....
This is what Jesus taught when he said in Matthew 19:6 “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
Jesus goes on to say a few verses later “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9)
Paul reiterates this teaching about a believer who divorces, then gets remarried.
Verse 11 (1 Corinthians 7:11) says – speaking from the wife’s perspective – that if a woman divorces her husband, “....she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.”
The same is true for a Christian man. If he divorces his wife, he must remain unmarried – or be reconciled with his wife.
This is why when divorce occurs within a Christian home – where a couple is equally yoked on a spiritual level - it is so heartbreaking...and so condemning.
When two people who profess to believe upon the name of Jesus Christ enter into the sacred covenant of marriage before God and others....God expects that marriage to be for life....
And – in His eyes – it is for life.
That’s why both Jesus and Paul teach that – in God’s eyes - there really is no such thing as divorce between a Christian husband and a wife....
From God’s perspective, believers who are united in covenant before their creator – and before their savior - will continue to be married...
....even if the man and woman choose to separate from each other.
This is why Jesus says “what God has joined together, let man not separate”
This is why Paul teaches that Christians who divorce and remarry are committing adultery...
...because - in the eyes of God – that marriage is still intact.
...and - from His perspective - it will remain intact until one of them passes on.
Now....in many cases....divorce happens when one – or both – partners are not believers...
...Or have not yet become believers.
This situation – this “challenging spiritual project” - carries with it a different set of parameters...
When someone who is not a believer enters into a marital relationship...
....they are literally incapable of understanding the sacredness of what a marriage really entails from God’s perspective...
When two unbelievers get married...they are not entering into a covenant that involves God....
they are making an earthly promise to each other...
....but it is not a promise that invites God – and His word – to be the ultimate authority in their lives....
... therefore, the spiritual stipulations that are levied upon believers who unite in marriage – or who become believers while married - are not binding upon unbelievers....
Why?...because unbelievers are ignorant to God’s expectations and sacred Will for their marriage.
Believers – on the other hand – have no excuse for ignorance of God’s Will.... and His commands....concerning the sacred covenant of marriage...
They know what scripture says about divorce....they know that – in God’s eyes – their union is ‘til death do us part’
They know that separating....and getting remarried....constitutes adultery in God’s eyes...
They know – or should know – all of this.
This is why so many of us grieve to see the divorce rate amongst professed Christians being essentially identical to that of the unsaved world....
Right at 50%.
....and it’s been at that percentage for quite some time.
For believers...marriage needs to be viewed as a sacred, lifelong, covenantal bond that cannot be broken....
...and the Church needs to get back to viewing marriage in that light.
Verses 12 – 16 of today’s passage deal with the spiritual “project” of those whose marital unions are unequally yoked....
...or, in other words, one partner is a believer – and the other is not.
This hits very close to home for me....
For all 18 years of my youth....followed by 36 years after that...
I had a front row seat to the challenges of this kind of marital union...
...and it takes a very special kind of Christian – blessed with an enormous amount of grace – to make an unequally-yoked marriage work.
Paul’s teaching on this begins in verse 12 (1 Corinthians 7:12) where it reads “...if any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.”
Verse 13 (1 Corinthians 7:13) continues, “And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.”
The passage goes on to explain that the believing spouse is still bound to the marital union because of the spiritual influence they are able to potentially have upon their spouse – and perhaps more importantly – upon the children in the home.
This is –of course – assuming the unsaved spouse has not committed adultery against the believing souse...or that the unbelieving partner wants out of the marriage.
Paul teaches that abandonment on the part of the unbelieving spouse is of no fault to the believer....
And therefore, the command to remain single after a divorce in such a case would not be binding upon the believing spouse who has been abandoned by their unbelieving spouse...
Paul also talks about the believing spouse having a “sanctifying” effect upon the unbelieving spouse by remaining in the marriage...
...And that it also will have a spiritually productive effect upon any children of the union as well...
Most theologians agree that this sanctifying effect isn’t tied to the actual salvation of others in the household...
....but the presence of a believer under the same roof as an unbelieving spouse – and children – will bring God’s truth to a home where there otherwise wouldn’t be any...
That’s why Paul says that children from unequally yoked homes are considered holy....or sanctified...if there is a believing parent in the home...
.....not that they automatically are – or become - believers....
...but that their believing parent allows for them to more genuinely consider Christianity as a viable worldview....
Paul elaborates a bit on this theme in verses 17 – 24....
....reminding believers that God – who is sovereign in all things - has each of us in a particular place and time to have influence in the world for Him...
...and that we should be very careful – and very prayerful - about making any changes to where God currently has us living out our lives....
In the final portion, or “project” of today’s passage of scripture, Paul returns to the subject of how those who are unmarried are uniquely positioned to serve Christ in a way that married people may not be able to....
Essentially...Paul is advising those who are married – to stay married...
...and those who are unmarried....not to rush into marriage...
.... especially, if they are effectively reaching others for Christ.
If you don’t have the responsibility of looking after the welfare of another person....or children....
...you have more of an opportunity to use that extra time for serving God...and ministering to others in the name of Jesus.
Verse 32 begins, “An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world – how he can please his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-33)
Paul then says the same thing about an unmarried woman vs a married woman.
Again....Paul is not discouraging anyone from marrying.
He makes that clear throughout today’s passage...
...but he is teaching – for those people who’ve been given the gift of experiencing joy outside of the covenant of marriage – that remaining single can have some very important spiritual benefits....
So...in conclusion...
This entire chapter is a spiritual renovation tutorial on marriage...
God has some very important commands and proper techniques for us to be mindful of as we address all things having to do with the sacred covenant of wedded matrimony...
....and He gives us the proper tools in learning to deal with whatever relational circumstance we’re in....or what difficult issues we face
...and we would do well to use them...and use them wisely.
Let’s Pray.
